front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."
On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
Outside a radiator repair shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."
In a nonsmoking area: "If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and
take appropriate action."
On a front door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."
At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've
come to the right place."
At a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car
Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."
In a dry cleaner's emporium: "Drop your pants here."
In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
At the electric company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill.
However, if you don't, you will be."
On the side of a garbage truck: "We've got what it takes to take what you've
In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed
Inside a bowling alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."