HOW
TO
DUMP
A MAN
For all the girls...the
best way to end your relationship with
your boyfriend in a very
sadistic way.....lol
HOW TO DUMP A MAN
Dear ________,
I regret to inform you
that you have been eliminated from further contention
as
Mr. Right. As you are
probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough
and dozens of
well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make
the final cut. I will,
however, keep your name on file should an opening
become
available. So that you may
find better success in your future romantic
endeavors, please allow me
to offer the following reason(s) you were
disqualified from the
competition.
Check those that apply...
___Your last name is
objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating
it, or subjecting my
children to it.
___Your first name is
objectionable. It's just not something I can picture
myself yelling out in a
fit of passion.
___The fact that our
dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a little
lighter, and YOUR pants a
little tighter!
___Your inadvertent
admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload"
indicates that you may be
interested in me for something other than my
personality.
___You failed the 20
Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about
yourself before you asked
me more than one about myself.
___Your constant emailing
shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!
___Your legs are skinnier
than mine.
___You're too short. Any
son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up
repeatedly at recess.
___You're too tall. I'm
developing a chronic neck condition from trying to
kiss you.
___You have a hairy back.
___I find your inability
to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___The fact that your
apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent
slovenliness that I fear
is unbreakable.
___The phrase "My
Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
___You still live with
your parents.
___Although I do enjoy the
X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek
uniforms a little
disconcerting.
___Your frequent
references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that
you are some sort of
psychotic stalker.
___Your ability to belch
the alphabet is not a trait that I am
seeking in a long term
partner.
___Your height is out of
proportion to your weight. If you should, however,
happen to gain the
necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your
application.
___Somehow I doubt those
condoms I found in your overnight bag were really
necessary for a successful
business trip.
___I am out of your
league, set your sights lower next time.
Sincerely,
___________
Copyright © 2001-2002, Bizy Garink. All rights reserved.