For all the girls...the
best way to end your relationship with
your boyfriend in a very
HOW TO DUMP A MAN
I regret to inform you
that you have been eliminated from further contention
Mr. Right. As you are
probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough
and dozens of
well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make
the final cut. I will,
however, keep your name on file should an opening
available. So that you may
find better success in your future romantic
endeavors, please allow me
to offer the following reason(s) you were
disqualified from the
Check those that apply...
___Your last name is
objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating
it, or subjecting my
children to it.
___Your first name is
objectionable. It's just not something I can picture
myself yelling out in a
fit of passion.
___The fact that our
dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a little
lighter, and YOUR pants a
admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload"
indicates that you may be
interested in me for something other than my
___You failed the 20
Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about
yourself before you asked
me more than one about myself.
___Your constant emailing
shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!
___Your legs are skinnier
___You're too short. Any
son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up
repeatedly at recess.
___You're too tall. I'm
developing a chronic neck condition from trying to
___You have a hairy back.
___I find your inability
to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___The fact that your
apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent
slovenliness that I fear
___The phrase "My
Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
___You still live with
___Although I do enjoy the
X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek
uniforms a little
references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that
you are some sort of
___Your ability to belch
the alphabet is not a trait that I am
seeking in a long term
___Your height is out of
proportion to your weight. If you should, however,
happen to gain the
necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your
___Somehow I doubt those
condoms I found in your overnight bag were really
necessary for a successful
___I am out of your
league, set your sights lower next time.
Copyright © 2001-2002, Bizy Garink. All rights reserved.